A UPS driver’s guide to holiday gift-giving

The National Retail Federation estimates that holiday spending this year will reach a new record of somewhere between $980-989 billion. That’s almost a trillion dollars – in the U.S. alone! (A trillion is a one followed by twelve zeroes.) Meanwhile online shopping, estimated at between $295-298 billion, represents nearly one-third of that total.

These figures are stupefying. And they translate into a cumulative thousands of additional packages of all shapes, sizes, contents and weights being loaded onto my UPS package car during this ‘Peak’ holiday season. All those extra packages that I need to deliver before I punch out each night, long after darkness falls.

Now, people spend money on all kinds of things during the holidays. But there’s really only one thing that makes Peak, Peak. And that’s presents. Lots and lots of presents! All three winter holiday traditions – Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa – emphasize the exchanging of gifts, so it stands to reason.

I’ve already written about gift-giving and generosity. But as I keep busy delivering other people’s gifts – and also giving and receiving my own gifts – I discovered that I had more to say about this topic, so here we are.

Gift-giving is powerful because it’s voluntary. When we give a gift, we do it because we choose to, not because we have to. This is why we often associate gifts with the word ‘charity.’ ‘Charity’ is related to the words ‘cherish’ and ‘care.’ Gifts are an expression of care for someone we cherish or hold dear, not a debt we owe or obligation we must satisfy.

Perhaps that’s why we’re so touched by gifts from people we least expect to give us anything. People we don’t know well – or at all. ‘Aww! You didn’t have to do that!’ Well yeah, exactly!

So while I do enjoy giving gifts to the people I’m closest to, I equally enjoy giving gifts to friends, colleagues, acquaintances, neighbors, and even random strangers. For me these unexpected, unsolicited acts of charity are what the holidays are all about.

Gift-giving is not a selfless act. It’s not self-ish so much as self-full. When we give a gift, we’re giving of ourselves. Anything we give comes from us and is a part of us in a very real sense. There’s definitely risk involved. We’re putting ourselves out there, extending ourselves toward another. We’re offering our time, our talent, our treasure, in the hope that it will be accepted and appreciated.

For me, that’s the real aim of gift-giving. I’m not looking for reciprocation. Your gift back to me is your gracious acceptance, maybe even your appreciation in the form of a heartfelt ‘thank-you.’ Receiving a gift, then, is as much an act of charity as is giving.

Gift-giving creates human connection and strengthens community. It’s this built-in reciprocity that solidifies social bonds. Back in the 1970s, sociologist Theodore Caplow studied Christmas in one midwestern city. He argued that

ritualized gift-giving, in any society, is a method of dealing with relationships that are important but insecure. Gifts are typically offered to persons or collectivities whose goodwill is needed but cannot be taken for granted.

Fifty years later, I think it’s safe to say that our social fabric has been stretched, frayed, and maybe even unraveled. Relationships have only grown more insecure; goodwill has never been more needed. Consequently, we need gifts now more than ever.

Having said all that, after delivering packages all day every day for more than four years, I have a love-hate relationship with physical stuff. It’s made me pay much closer attention to the kinds of gifts I give (and hope to receive). Here are some guidelines I try to abide by:

• Good gifts are meaningful. This should go without saying, but I’m saying it. Nobody likes a thoughtless gift. Giving something with no real meaning attached is not an expression of care. It can even make the recipient feel less cared for than if you gave them nothing at all.
• Good gifts communicate acceptance and appreciation. Meaning is not a property inherent in any gift. It’s brought to the gift by the giver and receiver. While well-intentioned gifts aren’t always received in the spirit that they’re offered, the best-case scenario is when both parties agree on what the gift means: I see you, this makes me think of you, and I want you to enjoy receiving it (from me).
• Good gifts somehow help make the recipient’s life easier or better. That’s the enjoyment. Good gifts always bring joy. Sometimes by being useful, sometimes by being beautiful, and sometimes by being both useful and beautiful at the same time.
• Good gifts are both practical and extravagant. They fit easily and naturally into the receiver’s life and world, but they may not be something the receiver would ever think or be willing to acquire on their own.
• Good gifts last a short time or a long time. Some gifts are special because they’re temporary. The memory of such gifts might persist long after the gift itself. Meanwhile, other gifts can endure longer even than the life of their recipient, and serve as a lasting testament to the relationship between giver and receiver. Some of these latter gifts can end up as family heirlooms.
• Good gifts help the receiver live into and tell their story. That could be the story of who they are, where they come from, where they’re going, or how they’re connected to the giver and/or others who care about them.
• Good gifts don’t always have to be material objects. By now most of us are familiar with the Five Love Languages; one of those so-called languages is gifts. But my time and attention are also gifts. So too are my words of affirmation – also known as compliments. My acts of service are gifts. And yes, my context- and relationship-appropriate physical touches are gifts. I believe that most gifts don’t ever end up on a delivery vehicle. And that, dear reader, is a very good thing for which I’m extremely grateful.

Just as I focus on making ‘good deliveries’ as a UPS driver, I focus on giving ‘good gifts’ – gifts that are meaningful; personal (to the extent possible and appropriate); joy-inducing; beautiful and/or useful; and extravagantly practical. I also try to diversify my gift-giving across the five love languages and along the continuum between short- and long-lasting.

I like to think of gift-giving as a form of relational puzzle-solving, with multiple – perhaps infinite – possible solutions. It requires me to be thoughtful and creative, and to listen carefully to the people around me and respond to opportunities as they present themselves.

Present themselves. Ha!

Happy holidays! Go crazy with the gifts!